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I guess we are going to start real early with this lesson:
How to choose your friends wisely 101.
We have neighbors. Maybe I should end it there. This makes it VERY convenient to "play". When we moved in, I thought it was fantastic that we had children right next door that were the same age as our children. I still think it is grand... sometimes.
At our house, the rule is:
If the game does not include everyone. Meaning - boys and girls, light skin AND dark skin (I wasn't prepared to tackle that issue at five) then, it's not a game we play.
I didn't know that other families did not play by this one simple rule. Why not? Shouldn't we include everyone at this age? They are two, four and five! What is the need to single anyone out?
Anyway, at this age the children are learning and we (the parents) are teaching morals the best we can. I can handle my kids being mean to each other and then being able to discipline them and teach them the principle at that time. However, when it is someone else's child, the situation becomes a little more challenging. I can't put their child in time out. I've tried talking about it and the response has been,
"Well, at my house we're allowed to say that..." -child
Okay... well, at OUR house we are not and YOU (my friend) are at OUR house. -Mama Freeman (my thoughts)
Isn't that considered talking back? Did you ever talk back to an adult when you were a child? What ever the adult said was the final word and even if you thought something inside your head - it stayed inside your head.
As I grow as a parent I start to understand more things about myself. I understand why I want to have 10 acres of land and far enough away from my neighbors that they can't just hop the fence and be at my back door. Sometimes it's okay to ring my doorbell at 8 a.m. (for the neighbor child not in school) and sometimes it's okay to race over five seconds after getting off the bus in the afternoon (for those in school) and sometimes it's okay to stay and play until dinner. However, sometimes it's not.
Lately, our family plans have been interrupted by neighbor kids casually dropping by. I want them to play but, everyday all day is too much for me. One way or another, the adversary will find a way to disrupt our family life and our worthy goals. He takes something so innocent and good as children at play and makes it a problem. Don't these other families want to spend time with their kids? If so, when do they do it?
I want friends to be invited over so that if they choose not to follow the rules, or if our FAMILY is in the middle of something (like reading a book in the afternoon or watching a family movie or playing a family game) and I don't want to be interrupted then, they don't get invited over. If I didn't have five children close in age I may welcome the constant inquiry, "Can Daryl and the boys play over?" We have instant playmates at our house and I want my children to learn to play well with each other. That is how I will know they will respect others and stand up for one another. Too often I see or hear the neighbor children saying and doing mean things to their own siblings. We are trying to teach our children the old saying,
"Friends come and go but your family is forever." I want FAMILY to mean something to my kids. Over and over again, we are saying,
"You do not do or say (fill in the blank) to anyone, especially to your brother and/or sister."
I regret not taking more ownership in my own family growing up. When I had to choose between an event with my friends and an event with my family - nine times out of ten I chose my friends. And if I chose my family, it was after a heavy debate between which I wanted to do. Today, I hope for a family that loves being together and instead of choosing friends we choose each other.
I know... I am too controlling. But REALLY... what to do?
In the perfect world. Children are children and they PLAY. They giggle, they laugh, skip, jump and run. They see no color, no lines to draw between them. They are innocent and wonderful. The way children are suppose to be.
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8 comments:
Wow. My mouth literally dropped open during this post. I can't stand having to parent other people's rude kids. Family is first. I'm sure your kids are understanding that!
I don't like dealing with other people's kids. It took me a while to work up the nerve to be the "mean" mom on the block, but I'm good at it now. If I don't want my kids to play, I answer the door and say we're not playing today. I don't give excuses or reasons. I also made the fast rule that we don't play with friends until after lunch time. That gives me time to get ready in the morning without worrying about annoying neighbors. We also have neighbors who come over almost every day, and I have wondered about their mom--doesn't she play with them? Oh well. All families are different, and as long as you are doing what you want with your family, that's all that matters. Be firm. Send the kids home if they talk back to you.
I'm with you on the ten acres of land!
I like for my kids to play with neighborhood friends now and again. ONCE IN AWHILE being the operative phrase! Especially because I'm uncomfortable just letting them run around without adult (me) supervision, and parenting the entire neighborhood is not my most favorite thing to do.
I like Erin's rule that they don't play with friends before noon. It's like when the doorbell rings on Sunday and all my kids know they can't play so it's no big deal for them to stand at the door while I explain why we won't be coming out. I'd like to have a time (like before noon) during the week where my kids know we'll be doing family stuff.
amen to everything everyone else said! i can't stand it when our neighbor plays with our girls. he's almost 4 yrs older than Meg and the girls just fawn over him. They completely stop doing whatever they were doing and just stare and watch him. and laugh at any dumb thing he does. i DON'T want girls who act like that around boys.
Being on a block with dozens of children all my kids ages (3-5 per child), it can certainly become an issue here as well. Our next door neighbors have a rock that she (the mom) hand painted that says "Can play" (on the green side)or "CAN'T play" (on the red side). She puts it out (or the kids put it out) in front of the door so any friends of their children know before they even get to the door whether friends can play or not. I think it's brilliant and you better bet before summer I'll have one in front of our door too!
I too have dealt with this. And so totally feel the same way you do. I set up rules. The kids in the neighborhood know that if we are outside, my boys can play. It is very rare that anyone comes to knock on the door, because they all know answer is no. (We are outside a lot.)
I LOVE the Rock idea. You could even have a cute wreath or sign on your front door with something like that. You make the rules. If you don't like how things are going...change them. (You are allowed.)
THANK YOU!!! What a relief to hear similar stories and solutions. These are all things that I can do to help the situation. Thanks Ladies!
You know it can get lonely for kids on 10 acres or maybe our six. Hunter would love neighborhood playmates. Sometimes we miss our old neighborhood. I think there has to be a balance between the two.
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